My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau
and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. "This," he said, "is not a
slip（纸片）. This is lingerie（女士内衣）." He discarded the tissue
and handed me the slip. It was exquisite（精致的）; silk, handmade and
trimmed with a cobweb （蜘蛛网，蛛丝）of lace（花边）. The price tag
with an astronomical figure on it was still attached. "Jan bought this
the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never
wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is
the occasion." He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the
other clothes we were taking to the mortician（殡葬员）. His hands
lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer
shut and turned to me. "Don't ever save anything for a special occasion.
Every day you're alive is a special occasion."
I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that
followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores （琐事）
that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane
returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister's family
lives. I thought about all the things that she hadn't seen or heard or done.
I thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they
were special.
I'm still thinking about his words, and they've changed my life. I'm
reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting on the deck and admiring the
view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time
with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings. Whenever
possible, life should be a pattern of experience to savor（使有风味，尽情享受）,
not endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for
every special event-such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped,
the first camellia （茶花）blossom. I wear my good blazer （颜色鲜明的运动夹克）
to the market if I feel like it. My theory is if I look prosperous,
I can shell out （交付，支付）$28.49 for one small bag of groceries
without wincing（畏缩）. I'm not saving my good perfume for special
parties; clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that
function as well as my party-going friends'.
"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my
vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and
hear and do it now. I'm not sure what my sister would have done had she
known that she wouldn't be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted.
I think she would have called family members and a few close friends.
She might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences
for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese
dinner, her favorite food. I'm guessing--I'll never know.
It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I
knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeing good friends
whom I was going to get in touch with-someday. Angry because I hadn't
written certain letters that I intended to write--one of these days. Angry
and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and daughter often enough how much
I truly love them.
I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything
that would add laughter and luster to our lives.
And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is
special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is ... a gift from
God.
